Marcy's Musings

  Allyship is an interesting concept. Ostensibly it feels simple, yet it grows complex as soon as you start to examine it. I never really called myself an “ally” prior to coming out. I figured that all my time campaigning against gay marriage rights precluded me from that title. Once I was a member of the community, I figured I didn’t need to worry about that title. Then my older brother asked me if I thought someone could be a member of the LDS church and an ally. At the time I was unsure, but felt like paying ten percent of your income to an openly hostile organization like the LDS church would offset whatever good someone could accomplish. My current position on the issue is not only can LDS folks be allies, but that we desperately need allies in the LDS church and other conservative Christian institutions. I grew up in a conservative echo chamber. This was by design. Singular focus on the voice of the prophets was seen as a virtue. My mother’s answer to what was called back t...

Special Thanks to Cora Ohara For her badass hakery  that brought us the foot notes and for the help she gave me in wrapping my head around my thoughts   Music in the lodge is more than sacred. It is medicine. It is the center of the ritual. Jerry, who pours the lodge (he is clear that the lodge itself is Bear Boy's lodge) says any song sung in lodge is sacred. Even if it is "row, row, row your boat." There are times in lodge that I have sung Sikh prayers. This is always meaningful and powerful for me. When Jerry held a small lodge for my children, I sang the Grateful Dead song "Ripple" which is sacred to me because it was one of the few lullabies I sang my children that was not an LDS hymn. There are times in lodge that certain songs will come to me; a personal form of medicine. I've taken time to mentally collect these to see what I could learn. During ceremony, women wear long skirts as a way of communing with mother earth. Our skirts tickle the gr...

One of my favorite parts of my job are the opportunities I have to teach and train. One of the first aspects of therapy I teach people I supervise is the difference between content and process. Content is the overt subject of the conversation. For example, a patient/client might complain that they are always doing things for their partner and their partner never seems to reciprocate the kindness. Paying attention to the content only, I might provide some validation and sympathy. “That sounds so hard, you must resent them.” This is great if you are someone’s friend but it is not entirely therapeutic. A good therapist attends to the what is going on in the background. What are the needs being met by this behavior? What patterns are being repeated? For example, a good therapist might ask questions to see if there is some co-dependance in the relationship. One might explore what unspoken expectations this individual has and perhaps work with them on assertiveness. Perhaps they do not feel ...